Saying no and saying yes

April 29, 2015 , In: Breathe, Gratitude, Health, Live, Real Life, Wellness , With: 2 Comments
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yestoyou

I am habitually terrible at saying no. The amount of stress, driving, money spent, and loss of sleep I have put myself (and let’s be honest, my family) through simply because I do not want to let anyone down sometimes borders insanity. I genuinely feel like life is too short and there are not enough hours in the day, I want to do everything! In the end everybody loses because… the ripple effect and you just cant. One person can’t do everything. I’ve been saying yes to everything long before the movie Yes Man, which I adore. Isn’t Zoey Deschanel’s band in that is hilarious right? I digress. I didn’t even properly finish that last thought. Seriously though, long before people were shouting about how cool it is to say yes all of the time, I was doing that.

As I grow up a bit, I’m finally learning that the truth is you can say yes all of the time and still say no. People forget that when you make a commitment to do something and you add it to your little list (planner, iphone notes, mental photography, whatever!), you are saying yes! Why are we all putting ourselves second? We have to live with ourselves all of the time, I think we owe it to ourselves to be nice.  To say yes. To give ourselves permission to feel good about self-care.  My mom has recently become a TOP NOTCH, gold medal winning, champ at this “I am totally awesome and important and I still love you.” thing.

So my plan is as such. See it here first and know that I do not love you any less when I say no. I  will reply with a simple, “I already said yes to something else (because I did… I need to do yoga, I need to study for the GRE, I need to sleep to feel alive in the morning to enjoy my toddler, I need to meal prep, I have a design project deadline, or simply I want to sit on my bum and work on my knitting because I like it and never get a free moment, etc.) I think once you start implementing this into your life, the amount of free time you have will actually feel like free time to enjoy. You don’t have these lingering “I should have’s…” and the feeling that you are botched during your time off. If you keep saying yes every time, you will be a sad, sleepy, not feeling awesome version of yourself (like I typically am, for various reasons) when you are out trying to have a good time and that is just not the right way to have a good time. Am I right? Maybe not. Ha! But I think I may be onto something here.

Do you say yes to everything?  If not, how do you gracefully decline things? I would love to hear someone else’s take on this. It’s an area I really struggle with because I adore spending time with people I love and I will typically sacrifice myself into a deficit to make it happen.

Happy (Aussie) Wednesday everyone!
xo,
Chels

P.S. Here is a great article on how saying no has even helped this particular gal shed some weight! Very nicely written as well.

AND. I found the Munchausen by Proxy video from Yes Man. Indulge in this brilliance, ok?

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    • Rae
    • April 29, 2015
    Reply

    Fantastic post. I think this is something that many women struggle with. We don’t want to disappoint our friends, colleagues, family, etc. and at the end of the day we have said yes to so many people that we have no time to say yes to ourselves. Self care is so important. And in any case, it’s only when we are at our best that we can be out best for others. But I love this twist you put to the whole subject, tellings others you already “said yes” to another commitment instead of just saying no. It takes a negative no and turns it into a positive yes. It also gives legitimacy to that yoga session you keep planning to attend or whatever it may be that you have planned for yourself.

    Rae | love from berlin

    • Reply

      Thank you! And yes, I agree about the legitimacy. Sometimes I feel that we really devalue the things we do simply because we feel guilty for allowing ourselves to do them in the first place. Also, totally unrelated, but I love your blog, it is so beautiful!

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