Everyone keeps asking about how easy or hard I’m finding motherhood now that I have two babes. And…there isn’t really a good answer. At any given moment my response could be on opposite ends of the spectrum because this has truly been the wildest ride I’ve ever been on.
Imagine the sweetest little girl cuddling her adorable chunky new baby brother, telling him how much she loves him, and your heart is melting with love watching it and then she sneezes on him and hits him on the top of his head while trying to “pet” him. How many emotions are in that moment? TOO MANY.
I’ve wanted to sit down and write (and I wish I had) but I’ve just been soaking it all in. I’ve taken about 2000 pictures in the less than 90 days that Cliff has been out of my belly and tonight I sat down to look through them to pick some out to blog about and the tears welled up immediately. My anxiety is no secret, but I have been fairly quiet about how its escalated in this postpartum period mostly because I haven’t wanted to allow myself to sink into it too much. I’ve been doing a lot of “soul work” as they call it, and practicing positivity and when I looked back at the photos of the past few months instead of feeling like I wasn’t there (I felt very very low for a bit after Leona was born and some of the memories feel like they aren’t my own) I was able to remember the happiness and the fight I put up for it. I’m so grateful for all of the tools I have learned over the years and for my amazing support system.
Being a mom of two is teaching me so much more about myself than I ever expected. I am loving all of the moments, even the hard ones, because there is so much pure love in these babies I have that it swallows me up in the best way. So before I ramble too long, I just want to put it out there that we are doing great. We are all happy and healthy and loving each other so hard. Swain party of 4 is the party to be at y’all!